Delirious Mistakes
Paris. Seventeen. Lay us down, we're in love.

1.
I say, ‘I am fat.’
He says ‘No, you are beautiful.’
I wonder why I cannot be both.
He kisses me
hard.

2.
My college theater professor once told me
that despite my talent,
I would never be cast as a romantic lead.
We do plays that involve singing animals
and children with the ability to fly,
but apparently no one
has enough willing suspension of disbelief
to go with anyone loving a fat girl.
I daydream regularly
about fucking my boyfriend vigorously on his front lawn.

3.
On the mornings I do not feel pretty,
while he is still asleep,
I sit on the floor and check the pockets of his skinny jeans for motive,
for a punchline,
for other girls’ phone numbers.

4.
When we hold hands in public,
I wonder if he notices the looks —
like he is handling a parade balloon on a crowded sidewalk;
if he notices that my hands are now made of rope.

5.
Dear Cosmo: Fuck you.
I will not take sex tips from you
on how to please a man you think I do not deserve.

6.
He tells me he loves me with the lights on.

7.
I can cup his hip bone in my hand,
feel his ribs without pressing very hard at all.
He does not believe me when I tell him he is beautiful.
Sometimes I fear the day he does will be the day he leaves.

8.
The cute hipster girl at the coffee shop
assumes we are just friends
and flirts over the counter.
I spend the next two weeks
mentally replacing myself with her
in all of our photographs.
When I admit this to him
we spend the evening taking new photos together.
He will not let me delete a single one of them.

9.
The phrase “Big girls need love too” can die in a fire.
Fucking me does not require an asterisk.
Loving me is not a fetish.
Finding me beautiful is not a novelty.
I am not a fucking novelty.

10.
I say, ‘I am fat.’
He says, ‘No. You are so much more’,
and kisses me
hard.

Ten Honest Thoughts On Being Loved By A Skinny Boy, Rachel Wiley

(I have read this before, but for some reason this is the first time it has made me suddenly burst into tears. It was #8 that killed me.)

(Source: themilitantbaker.com)


orlandobloomfistmeintheass:

your url shows what you want most in life

white people bios be like:

heliolisk:

kobetyrant:

Mackenzie. 15. Montana. Indie music. Welcome to a special part of my mind. I’m white but I identify as Spanish/Walgreens gift card. Sherlock. I follow back 🌸flower child🌸

i identify as a walgreens gift card

jacklives:

"This homework is optional but you should do it for practice"

image


alexthefalcon:

SOMEONE PUT MY SCHOOL UP FOR SALE ON CRAIGSLIST image


nevillellongbottom:

So apparently feminism is a hate movement. I’m sorry I don’t remember any feminists going on any shooting sprees because they were rejected by men or sending death and rape threats to blogger who pointed out sexism in video games.


disorders:

is it cold in here or is that just my heart